39th Amendment passes standardizing national liquor laws

Today voters overwhelmingly passed the 39^th Amendment to the Constitution standardizing liquor laws across the nation. The amendment removes numerous, onerous state-by-state regulations that have hampered both businesses and wine lovers for generations.

Among the many changes, wine and other liquor will now be able to be bought, sold, and shipped to and from each of the fifty states. Laws banning liquor from being sold on Sunday in numerous states were negated by the amendment. Liquor may now be sent through the U.S. mail, something many consumers had done for years not knowing that it was illegal. Businesses are now spared numerous cumbersome regulations, such as requiring monthly reports to be filed even if no sales were made. Tom Wark of the Fermentation wine blog, who recently celebrated his 122^nd birthday said, “I never thought I’d live to see this day.” Wark was brought out of cryopreservation to witness the passing of the amendment.

Another amendment, which would have granted bottles of wine the same rights as individuals, was narrowly defeated. Winemaker Greg Harrington the 3^rd of Gramercy Cellars expressed disappointment saying, “Wine is a living thing. One day our children are going to look back at this vote with embarrassment.”

The new laws are scheduled to take effect in 2075. The date was chosen to correspond to the tail end of Wine Advocate writer Jay Miller’s drinking window for the 2007 Quilceda Creek Cabernet Sauvignon, a wine that received a perfect 100-point score from the publication. Celebrations are planned across the nation to mark the occasion.